Monday, May 15, 2006

Illegal Reasoning

Let's say I break into your house. And when you discover me in your home you insist that I leave. But, I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors: I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest ... except for that part where I broke into your house."

According to the protestors, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan and provide other benefits for me and my family. If you try to call the police or force me out I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be here. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest .... ummmmm .... except for that breaking in thing.

Besides. What a deal it is for me! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being anti-housebreaker!

Does this sound reasonable to you? If so . . . I hope you don't have a driver's license because you're dangerous to everyone else on street. If this sounds reasonable to you, and you're a Charleston tour guide, then I bet you tell that John C. Calhoun crossing Church Street story, don't you?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Weddings at the Chucktown Chapel

This past Saturday I had the distinct pleasure of driving a private carriage not once, but TWICE to the Chucktown Chapel.

The first wedding was a big one . . . so big that I wondered if the bride and groom could fit on the carriage. They did. Drop-off was at Tristan's. BTW . . the reason they were eating at Tristan's was this: they had decided they wanted to name their first kid (male or female) Tristan . . . so they had their reception there. Thank god they didn't want to name their kid Waffle House.

My favorite Chucktown Chapel story:

Last year I picked up a Harley-Davidson wedding. The bride was wearing a fashionable leather skirt w/ boots and a lace-up leather vest . . . and that was it. Nothing underneath. The groom was nattily attired in his cleanest Levis, freshly-pressed Harley black T-shirt, complete with H/D belt buckle and boots. The best man and maid of honor (both similarly attired) joined them in the carriage for the ride to the Mills House.

About 10 minutes into the ride the bride said: "I can't wait to get back to the hotel so we can get naked!"

Call me old fashioned, but I believe that on your wedding night you should have sex with your new spouse. If you wanna have a 4some the next night (or the night before, or everyother night of the year) OK, but not on your wedding night. Is nothing sacred anymore???