Charleston Tour Guide Bitch blog

OSCAR (the cat) HEADS FOR CHARLESTON

2007-07-31T23:10:00.000-04:00

CHARLESTON, SC (Roto-Reuters News Service) Oscar is a Rhode Island nursing home cat who has an uncanny knack for predicting when some of the patients are going to die by curling up next to them during their final hours. He has been accurate in 25 cases so far.

This reporter has learned that Osacr is making a trip to Charleston. The question is: Who (or what) is he coming to visit? Speculation is rampant.

Is Oscar going to pay a call on the Citadel football team before the season?
Or maybe the Political Pussy will visit the William Dudley Gregorie (Mayor Joe’s opponent) Campaign headquarters?
The Feline of Finality could be coming to the Holy City to make it official: Thomas Ravenel's career is dead.
Maybe Oscar will be seen lurking around the halls of the Rainbow Market, meowing outside the doors of Bulldog Tours.
Or, maybe Oscar has decided to point out the obvious (except those who work for the school system) concering Charleston County Schools.

Only time will tell. Keep your eyes focused.

REVISED 'TIME' MAGAZINE TOP TEN LISTS

2007-05-03T13:23:00.000-04:00

What do the following people have in common?

Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tyra Banks, Tina Fey (actors/writers/celebrities),
Rosie O’Donnell (professional braindead loudmouth),
Kate Moss (female bag of bones who works as a model),
Elizabeth Edwards (pampered wife of a rich lawyer),
Tony Dungy (NFL coach) and
Al Gore (former VP and leader of the 21st Century’s first religion – environmentalism)

They are all on Time magazine’s list of Most Influential People in the World. And Al Gore was placed on the list of “Scientists and Thinkers”!!! But for the first time ever, the President of the United States is not on the list. I guess Time hates Bush so much, they decided the most powerful man in the world was not worth mentioning, but Tina Fey who writes a TV SHOW is!

Using Time’s criteria, here are some revised Top Ten Lists:

TOP 10 MOVIES OF ALL TIME (alphabetical order)
Battlefield Earth
Clambake (Elvis)
Grease 2
Howard the Duck
Ishtar
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
Weekend at Bernies II
Xanadu

TOP 10 TV SHOWS OF ALL TIME (alphabetical order)
Cop Rock
Hee Haw Honeys
Hello Larry
Jerry Springer Show
The Love Boat
Manimal
My Mother, the Car
Pink Lady and Jeff
Still the Beaver
Supertrain

TOP 10 MUSIC ARTISTS OF ALL TIME (alphabetical order)
Air Supply
Asia
Michael Bolton
Celine Dion
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Kenny G
Iron Butterfly
LaToya Jackson
Richard Marx
Yanni

TOP TEN BEST CONCERTS

2007-04-22T14:23:00.000-04:00

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Oct. 19, 1977, Columbia, SC. I saw Skynyrd twice and both times they were great, but this show gets the nod for one simple reason: It was the next to the last show the original Skynyrd band ever performed. The next night they performed in Greenville, SC and flew to Louisiana but their plane ran out of fuel and crashed in Mississippi. Ronnie Van Zant had one of the greatest stage presences I’ve ever seen.
Allman Brothers / Atlanta Rhythm Section: 1980, Columbia, SC. What a double bill! ARS was at its commercial peak and the Allmans are always good. Ronnie Hammond of ARS did one of the greatest Mick Jagger parodies I have ever seen. While ARS was playing ‘Imaginary Lover’ they effortlessly morphed the song into the Stones’ ‘Miss You’ and Hammond did a dead-on Jagger prancing on the stage and singing.
Mary Chapin Carpenter: 1990, Greenstreet’s, Columbia SC. I’ve seen her several times in larger arenas (one memorable show w/ Vince Gill), but she is better in smaller venues. This was one hell of a show, just as she was on the cusp of winning several Grammy Awards. BONUS: Radney Foster opened up as an acoustic solo act.
Rodney Crowell, 1988, Greenstreet’s, Columbia, SC. What a club Greenstreet’s used to be. Crowell is one of the greatest song writers of the past 50 years and one helluva performer. This was the first tour for a young hotshot guitar player named Stuart Smith, whom Crowell had discovered. Smith is now playing guitar for the Eagles when they tour. (He’s the clean cut guy who outplays Joe Walsh every night.) Crowell has only gotten better with age. BONUS: Crowell’s then-wife, Roseanne Cash, sat on a stool on the edge of the stage all night.
The Eagles / Amazing Rhythm Aces, 1980, Columbia, SC. The Long Run tour, with Timothy B. Schmit on his first tour as the new bass player replacing Randy Meisner. As a long time Poco fan that was very cool. BONUS: My second time seeing the Aces in one year. Even though they were only give a 45 minute set, they were, as always, amazing.
Radney Foster, 1994, The Wagon Wheel, Orangeburg, SC. Radney would the heir to the Rodney Crowell throne except that Rodney is still around and as good as ever. This club show was in support of the Labor of Love CD, Radney’s last release for a major label, before he went Indie and expanded his musical vision. Great voice on stage with one helluva band – Mike McAdams is an amazing guitarist. I am anxious to see Radney again.
Amazing Rhythm Aces, 1980, USC Spring Fest, Columbia, SC. The greatest outdoor musical event & drunkfest I’ve ever attended. The Aces are one of those bands that are always better live. Their rendition of ‘I Must’ve Died and Gone to Texas’, which was changed to “I Must’ve Died and Gone to Carolina’ for the show was one of the most fun singalongs I’ve ever participated in.
Dixie Dregs / Mother’s Finest / Little Feat, 1978, Civic Center, Augusta, Ga. What a triple bill! At this point hardly anyone had ever heard of the Dregs and their guitar playing genius Steve Morse, and unfortunately most people still don’t know about Mother’s Finest, the greatest funk/soul/ hard rock band in the world. And Little Feat, even on a bad night, can blow away most other live acts.
Bob Seger, 1980, Columbia , SC. The Against the Wind tour. I recently saw Seger in Charleston in 2007, and he was still phenomenal, even though his voice was nowhere near its old glory. Back in 1980 when he was still a younger man, this was as good as a rock-and-roll show could get. Three hours long and no let up!
Montrose / Foghat / Black Oak Arkansas, 1975, Augusta Auditorium Augusta, Ga. Being that I was 15 and had never attended a rock concert ever, I loved it. Montrose had a lead singer named Sammy Hagar, and Foghat was two years away from ‘Slow Ride’, but was one of the best live acts of the 70s. Black Oak just sucked, even at age 15 I could tell. Foghat blew them off the stage.

Honorable mention: Roseanne Cash, 1990; Elton John/Billy Joel, 2005; Earth, Wind & Fire, 1978; Grand Funk Railroad, 1977; Paul McCartney, 1996; Poco, 1985; The Police, 1980; Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, 1992.

DOES PHYSICAL ASSAULT NOW DEFINE "MANNERLY" IN CHARLESTON?

2007-04-02T12:47:00.000-04:00

Marjabelle Young Stewart has named Charleston the "most mannerly city" in America for a dozen years now. Obviously, Ms. Stewart is not a tour guide and has never had a confrontation with one of Charleston's beloved SOBs just for doing her job. She has also never been on Market Street at night and been accosted by locals who drive past and scream epithets. Some of the more clever and charming remarks directed at night time ghost tour guides include:

Fuck you!
You suck!
It's all a lie!
Tourists suck!

This cleverness of wit makes me believe that they are either

A product of the South Carolina public school system, or
A product of the inter-family breeding practices that have been so popular in high society since the beginning of time.

Most of my fellow tour guides blame the night time insults on drunken teenagers and the college crowd. Maybe, but I am not ready to be so kind. I can easily see some of the genteel SOBs hollering insults from the undercover saftey of darkness and the tinted windows of their SUVs. The one thing I have learned as a tour guide is that the tourists are MUCH nicer than the locals - the so-called "most mannerly".

However, most tour guides have learned to deal with the insults, usually by making fun of the cowards who drive by and scream out. It's usually an comment about their lack of male genitalia.

However, now it is no longer only verbal assaults ghost tour guides have to combat. It is physical assault.

On Friday night, Rebel Sinclair, a ghost tour guide who works for Bulldog Walking Tours, was standing on the sidewalk on King Street in front of the Charleston Library Society. A champagne-colored Infinity FX 35 came zipping past. Someone inside the car screamed as they passed and tossed an open water bottle. The bottle struck Rebel in the hip, splattering her with water. However, over the next two days she developed an ache in her hip and has been diagnosed with a bruised hip bone. The bottle was saved and placed in a plastic bag. Hopefully, any fingerprints on the bottle can be lifted and identified.

The ghost tour guides of Charleston are now all going to be walking with digital cameras. We will be taking pictures of all vehicles that harass us when we are with customers. Tag Numbers will be taken and the police will be called. In particular, we will be looking for a champagne-colored Infinity FX 35.

Hopefully, we can match the fingerprints from the bottle to the fingerprints the cops will find in the car.

DEADLINES FOR OTHER WARS

2007-03-28T21:10:00.000-04:00

Now that Congress has established an expiration date for the War in Iraq, let's hope they take a look at some other wars that need to be brought to a conclusion.

1. THE WAR ON DRUGS: Doesn't take a genius to figure this one out (good thing, since these are politicians we are discussing).

The War on Drugs could be considered to have started in 1880, when the U.S. and China completed an agreement (called the Opium Wars) that prohibited the shipment of opium between the two countries. Nixon's modern-day War on Drugs began in 1968.

The U.S. federal government spent over $19 billion dollars in 2003 on the War on Drugs - a rate of about $600 per second. The budget has since been increased by over a billion dollars. Since December 31, 1995, the U.S. prison population has grown an average of 43,266 inmates per year. About 25 per cent are sentenced for drug law violations. Quite a success! Declare victory and end it now!

2. THE WAR ON POVERTY: In his first State of the Union speech, President Lyndon B. Johnson declared a "War On Poverty." Making poverty a national concern set in motion a series of bills and acts, creating programs such as Head Start, food stamps, work study, Medicare and Medicaid, which still exist today. The programs initiated under Johnson brought about results, reducing rates of poverty and improved living standards for America's poor; however, the programs have outlived their usefulness and too many people are actively fighting to keep them in place even though most of the programs that are outdated and make as much sense as Rosie O'Donnell in a Playboy centerfold.

The poverty rate has remained steady since the 1970s so let's face it: the majority of people who live in poverty in the United States in 2007 are there as a result of their choices in life. The easiest ways to stay out of poverty are:

Stay in school
learn a job skill
learn a trade
don't have kids BEFORE you can support yourself AND your kid
don't get addicted to cigarettes or other financially draining habits
work smart and hard; forty hour work weeks are for people who do NOT want to succeed

The so-called Great Society is upon us. Declare victory!

SIX REASONS PETE ROSE SHOULD BE IN THE BASEBALL HALL OF FAME

2007-03-15T09:28:00.000-04:00

Pete Rose NOW says he DID bet on his baseball team – but he always bet that they would win! Hmmmm . . . And O.J. didn’t kill his wife.

However, I still think Rose should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame because he was one of the best ever. Ty Cobb is in the Hall because he was an incredible player – the fact that he was a racist pig and a lousy human being does not matter. It’s called the Baseball Hall of Fame, not the Most Righteous Persons Hall of Fame.

Here are 6 reasons why Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame.

Patty Smith is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Yasser Arafat, International terrorist, won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1994.
Al Gore won a Best Documentary Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth.
Starland Vocal Band won a Grammy for “Best New Artist” in 1976. Also nominated that year: Boston.
Al Sharpton ran for president of the United States.
John Travolta had a # 1 song with “You’re The One That Want” from the Grease soundtrack – but Credence Clearwater Revival has NEVER had a #1 song.

2007-03-14T08:30:00.000-04:00

Charleston, SC (Roto-Reuters News Service) The announcement last week that 5000 of the South Carolina school buses are more than 14 years old, many with more than 400,000 miles, has provoked Charleston City Council into a momentous decision. Starting next week, the contract for running the school bus system in Charleston County will be taken over by CARTA.

CARTA spokeshuman, Pat, stated: “The first thing we will do is revamp the schedule. The school buses will run continually from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. It’s a waste to have all these buses sitting idle during the day time.”

When this reporter informed the spokeshuman that most school children need to be in school before 8:00 a.m. the reply was: ‘They’ll just have to adjust their schedules.”

This reporter also pointed out that during the middle of the day the children would be in school and there was no need to have buses running at that time. CARTA replied, “But what about the kids who want to cut class but have no transportation? We need to serve the needs of ALL the children.”

When it was pointed out that most school sessions were over by 4:00p.m. CARTA was asked how did they justify running the buses until 8:00 p.m. Pat said, “Haven’t you ever heard of night school?”

BEN & JERRY'S 69 CHARLESTON FLAVORS

2007-03-13T23:10:00.000-04:00

Need some help from you guys out there. You may (or may not) know that the structure on Market Street that is the home of Ben & Jerry's was once a house of prostitution. I am in the process of creating a list of 69 ice cream flavors that could be sold in the Market Street store.

If you will go to Wicked Charleston.net and click the tool bar that reads "69 Flavors" you can read the 36 flavors I have already listed. Only 33 more to go!

WARNING!! For those who do not want to read ice cream flavors such as "Rum Cum" and worse . . . . ignore this request.

BEST ATTRACTION - AQUARIUM . . . GOT TO BE KIDDING, RIGHT?

2007-03-11T17:40:00.000-04:00

Knowing the City Paper's fondness for ironic humor, let's hope the naming of the Aquarium was one of those attempts.

http://www.charlestoncitypaper.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A24047

As a licensed city of Charleston tour guide I drive carriages and conduct daytime history walking tours as well as nighttime ghost and prostitution tours. During my six years as a guide I have averaged giving tours to 5000 people a year and I have NEVER had a single person tell me they came to Charleston to "visit the Aquarium". After all, Myrtle Beach and Atlanta have better aquariums, but lousy food and no charm.

Calling the South Carolina Aquarium the "Best Attraction" is like calling Ringo the most important Beatle, Dr. Watson the better detective or Neil Simon the 20th century Shakespeare.

THE DUMB BLONDE SHILL

2007-03-05T08:01:00.000-05:00

Ann Coulter’s at it again, I see. In her attempt to become the 21st Century H.L. Menken she forgot one thing: intelligence. As her celebrity has grown from being famous to infamous, she has been reduced to a dumb blonde shill saying outrageous things just to be noticed. Kinda like Brittany Spears etc . . . Her John Edwards ‘faggot’ remark was for shock value, and to tweak the Left who have no sense of humor and painfully thin skin.

And it worked perfectly. Within minutes, Howard Dean was screaming that every Republican should distance themselves from her “hateful speech”. And everybody did, including Republicans.

However . . .

Another dumb blonde shill made another remark which Howard Dean (and the rest of the leftand media) seem to approve. Bill Maher, who for some reason is referred to as a comedian, stated that he wished the assassination attempt on vice-president Dick Cheney had been successful. Maher said with Cheney dead this would be “a better world.”

One dumb blonde calls someone a faggot and the media turns it into a national panic. Another one calls for the murder of the sitting vice-president and the media yawns. Which is the more egregious?

I am not confident of a future where calling for the assassination of an elected official is less shocking than calling someone a bad name. But what do expect from a media which is no longer interested in truth.

Quiz: Who said the following? And when?

“There are no objective facts. Every report on facts is only somebody’s opinion.
It is, therefore, useless to write about facts.”

Answer: Ayn Rand in her 1957 book Atlas Shrugged. Talk about predicting the future of the media . . .

Pay attention to what goes on around you folks.

WHY IS ONE MANNER OF DEATH MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANOTHER?

2007-02-23T13:04:00.000-05:00

MILITARY DEATHS IN IRAQ (since March 2003) : 3514.

Anti-war protestors love to quote the number of deaths in Iraq, as if the combat deaths are magnified because they believe the war is "illegal".

The people who love to quote the Iraqi death toll are also usually opposed to any attempt to control the illegal immigration invasion in the United States. Instead, they are in favor of an "amnesty" for illegals, which means they are against something that they wish was "illegal" (the war), and ignore something that is illegal - undocumented workers - because they claim it is a "victimless crime".

How about these statistics:

MURDERS COMMITTED BY ILLEGAL ALIENS IN THE U.S. (since March 2003): 8632.
MILITARY DEATHS IN IRAQ (since March 2003): 3514

The murder rate by illegal aliens in America is more than twice that of the death rate of combat soldiers. That breaks down to 870 deaths per year in Iraq and 2100+ murders commited by illegals. So much for a victimless crime.

Why is one manner of death worthy of protest, but the other isn't?

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

2007-02-20T11:26:00.000-05:00

I noticed today that the 3 stranded climbers on Mt. Hood had been rescued. Good for them. Sounds like they were prepared. However . . . How smart were these people to go hiking in the mountains during one of the worst snow storms in recent history?

Think about this situation: If a local Charleston outdoorsman decided to go fishing on Sept. 21, 1989, as Hurricane Hugo was bearing down on the Carolina coast, what would you think? Is he sane? Is he sober? Or is he merely stupid?

Either way, why should we risk the lives of other people to rescue someone who made a dumb decision? If it was a child, that would be one thing, but these people were adults in their 20s and 30s. Surely they checked the weather before they embarked on their trip.

So, as harsh as it seems, if you make a bad decision, be prepared to deal with the consequences of your lack of judgement. Don't expect other people to risk their lives for your mistake. Maybe they should be charged for the cost of the rescue. do that enough times, and maybe people we begin to re-think their decisions.

TOP TEN CHARLESTON DISASTERS

2006-11-03T09:53:00.000-05:00

10. Explosion of Powder Magazine, May 1780: A powder magazine that sat between Archdale and Mazyck (now Logan) Streets accidently exploded. More 200 people were killed, sixty that were burned beyond recognition. An eyewitness reported human limbs handing from trees and torsos writhing on the street. Also, a brothel was destroyed, certainly a disaster!

9. Jan. 15, 1778 Fire: Fire started in a kitchen house at the corner of Union (State) and Queen Streets (currently Smith-Killian Gallery). It burned down Queen Street toward Meeting Street. It spread down Union Street east toward Broad, and burned Elliott Street, Bedon's Alley and all of Tradd Street east of Church Street. Losses: $3 million, and 250 homes.

8. City Drainage System. It has been raining in Charleston since 1670. And by the way, in 2006, when it rains, it STILL floods the streets. Thank you Charleston City Council, where the motto is: "If it's broken, let's TALK about fixin' it. If it ain't broke, let's see how we can raise taxes and attempt to make it better."

7. Charleston County School Board: South Carolina ranks 46th in public education, because is a political playground, not an educational system. CCSB is the worse. Just look at the candidates running for office on Tuesday. And look who is in charge: the supertintendent of Charleston County sets a great example: She is consistently late for meetings, had an affair with a married man when she arrived, became pregnant with his child, has made several questionable financial descisions with taxpayer's money and is STILL serving in her position. Welcome to Charleston! See above motto for Charleston City Council.

6. South Carolina Aquarium: Paid for by taxpayer's money, the overpriced ($70 million) vanity project opened to the public in 2000 and is still operating at a loss. $2.4 million in 2005. And by the way . . . the streets are still flooding every time it rains. (See # 8.)

5. April 1838 fire: Started in a fruit vendor store at the corner of King Street and Beresford Alley (now Fulton Street). It burned eastward and destroyed most Ansonborough, 1200 bulidings and more than $5 million in damage. Most of the fire crews were black slaves who, according to white officials, had little "interest in saving the property of white citizens.” Hmmm, imagine that.

4. Dec. 11, 1861 fire: Destroyed 540 acres and over 500 private homes. Property losses totalled $8 million. Because the fire happened eight months into the War Between the States, one third of the city remained a burned out district for over a decade.

3. 1886 Quake: Occuring 21 years after the conclusion of the War Between the States, the timing of this disaster was devastating. And, it was preceded by major hurricane in 1885. Charleston was already shabby and shaking off the dust of a 20 year depression. $6-8 million in damage.

2. Hurricane Hugo: Class 4 storm. Around midnight of Sept. 21, 1989, a 14 foot storm surge of water swept past Ft. Sumter into the Charleston harbor. 80% of the homes on Folly Beach, Sullivan's Island and the Isle of Palms. 50,000 Charlestonians were homeless after the storm. There was a total of more than $3 billion damage in Charleston alone.

1. Ft. Sumter, April 12, 1861: The men of Charleston were the aggressors. They pushed the issue of seccession , and fired the first shot against Federal troops. The result of their actions: Over the next four years more than 650,000 soldiers were killed. That was followed by a 20 year depressison for the Southern states. Charleston can take credit (blame) for starting the worse war in American history, and plunging half of the country into a economic and cultural abyss from which, according to some people, it has never recovered.
However, most of us have gotten over it . . . . Most of us.

GORENVENTALISM - DDT and Mass Murder

2006-10-05T15:29:00.000-04:00

The earth is getting hotter!! The earth is getting colder!! Thousands of plants and animal species become extinct every year!! Cigarette smoke is a prime cause of global warming. Climate change is increasing the rise of super storms and dramatic weather. Massive hurricanes, colder winters, hotter summers, and tornados. Lions, and tigers, and bears - OH MY!

Most of the media agree with those statements. Most political liberals also agree. Most Hollywood celebrities agree, and Al Gore is their guru on the environment.

I read Al Gore's book Earth In the Balance. It's an interesting book because Gore relied on fear and shame to make his point. This may work if you’re Catholic, Baptist or just a typical American voter (who gets his news in 5 minute bytes on TV or radio at the top of the hour, but never reading anything more challenging than the back of a cereal box), but it's not difficult to see the flaws in Gore's logic, or as he calls it “An Inconvenient Truth”, which by the way, is now a movie!

Gore claims that scientists report the hottest years on record all happened in the 1990s, but it doesn't tell you that two British scientists say the planet has been cooling since 1998. Gore also claims that scientists are almost unanimous in their support of the notion that humans are responsible for global warming. Gore wold like for you to forget that he was challenged by several of the VERY scientists he cited as agreeing with him when he presented a speech at the Kyoto Summit in the 90s. Seems Gore didn’t quite tell the whole truth because the scientists who came out actually said they were unsure if mankind was causing global warming.

Gore has also proposed a pollution tax. "Penalizing pollution instead of penalizing employment will work to reduce that pollution," Gore said in a speech at New York University School of Law. The pollution tax would replace all payroll taxes, including those for Social Security and unemployment compensation, Gore said. He said the overall level of taxation, would remain the same. And last week at the United Nations, Gore claimed that cigarette smoking was a leading cause of global warming.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
life." - Brooke Shields, an Al Gore supporter.

Many of the things that Gorenventalists claim as fact actually have an inconvenient truth attached to them - they are theories, not facts. But the truth has never been inconvenient for crusaders. It's easier to forgive when those lies benign - like Al Gore invented the internet! and I smoked but didn't inhale! - but it's not so easy when those lies have been responsible for the deaths of tens of millions of people. Environmental liberal do-gooders and militant socialists are responsible for one of the greatest crimes of the 20th century, on par with the Jewish holocaust and Stalin's mass murder of the Russian people by execution and starvation.

DDTwas banned by President Richard Nixon's Environmental Protection Agency in the early 1970s, after Rachel Carson's book, Silent Spring, claimed to show that DDT threatened human health as well as bird populations. Rachel Carson was listed by Time magazine as one of 100 Most Important People of the Century. Also listed are

Mao Zedong (responsible for 49 million)
Adolph Hitler (12 million)
Ho Chi Minh (10 million)
V.I. Lenin (5 million)

According to all the figures, Rachel Carson (pictured left) ranks third on the list of 100 Most Important People of the Century for deaths attributed to the actions and leadership of one person. She helped create a lot of silence in Africa.

Does this woman look like a mass murderer?

Huge amounts of DDT were sprayed in America. People used to run toward the truck spraying clouds of DDT -- as if it was an ice-cream truck -- they were so happy to have mosquitoes repelled. Tons of DDT were sprayed on food and people. Despite this overuse, there was no surge in cancer or any other human injury. Nevertheless, the environmental hysteria led to DDT's suppression in Africa, where its use had been dramatically reducing deaths. American foreign aid could be used to finance ineffective alternative anti-malaria methods, but not DDT.

Within a short time, the mosquitoes and malaria reappeared, and deaths skyrocketed. Tens of millions of people have died in that time. The rich white sanctimonious environmental militants slept each night in air conditioned homes while millions of poor African children died.

Last month, the World Health Organiztion announced that it supports indoor spraying of DDT."The scientific and programmatic evidence clearly supports this reassessment," said Dr. Anarfi Asamoa-Baah, WHO assistant director-general for HIV/AIDS, TB and malaria. "DDT presents no health risk when used properly." Some environmental groups have also changed their anti-DDT tune, including Greenpeace, and the Sierra Club.

Last year, Greenpeace spokesman Rick Hind told the New York Times, "If there's nothing else and it's going to save lives, we're all for it. Nobody's dogmatic about it."

Easy to say now, Rick. But what about the mass murder of Africans who died when groups like Greenpeace (who are almost always rich, liberal white caucasions) refused to budge on the ban? Might an apology be in order? Might a class action law suit be a possibility against Rachel Carson, the World Wildlife Fund, Greenpeace and the Sierra Club for activitely keeping DDT banned for these decades?And now, these are same people and the same groups that are pushing the global-warming scare. If so many 'experts' could be so wrong about DDT, why should we trust them now?

Also, keep all this in mind the next time you read an editorial in The Post & Courier written by part-time Charleston resident Ellen Harley about the treatment of the carriage animals downtown.

Ted Turner & Wolf Blitzer - Diplomatic Giants

2006-09-23T08:03:00.000-04:00

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, in an interview for the September 20 "Situation Room," questioned President Bush about Iran and wondered, "Why would it be so bad if this Iranian regime had a nuclear weapon?"

“They're a sovereign state,” Ted 'I married & divorced Hanoi Jane' Turner said of Iran. 'We have 28,000. Why can't they have 10? We don't say anything about Israel -- they've got 100 of them approximately -- or India or Pakistan or Russia. And really, nobody should have them. They aren't usable by any sane person.” [italics mine]

I guess that means Ted 'I married & divorced Hanoi Jane' Turner considers the leader of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, to be a sane person. Maybe Ted forgot that Ahmadinejad has promised to eridcate Israel from the face of the earth by any means necessary. Naaa, of course Ted, hasn't forgotten . . . he just doesn't care.

To answer your questions, Ted and Wolf, about why it would be so bad for this Iranian regime to have 10 nuclear weapons, I give you 10 reasons.

1. Jeruselum
2. New York
3. Washington, DC
4. Los Angeles
5. San Francisco
6. Chicago
7. Boston
8. Dallas
9. Minneapolis
10. Atlanta

Ted and Wolf are the kind of so-called 'intellectuals' that other so-called 'intellectuals' look up to? Ted 'I married Hanoi Jane' Turner being called an intellectual is like calling Justin Timberlake a great singer, or calling Will Ferrell funny. An indication of how low modern standards have fallen.

By the way, here's another comment by 'intellectual' Ted 'I married Hanoi Jane' Turner. "Men should be barred from public office for 100 years in every part of the world .... It would be a much kinder, gentler, more intelligently run world. The men have had millions of years where we've been running things. We've screwed it up hopelessly. Let's give it to the women."

Not long after that, Ted expressed his hope that the next U.S. President would be a 'great leader who thinks ahead, like Al Gore.' Unless Al is planning to have a sex change operation, 'intellectual' Ted had already forgotten his previous 'women only' remark.

SOBs Support CRAP!

2006-09-20T15:23:00.000-04:00

CHARLESTON, SC (Roto-Reuters News Service) - The city of Charleston, South Carolina filed a reparations lawsuit today against the United States Army, charging that the loss of property the white citizens suffered in 1865 after the conclusion of the Civil War has cost the city billions of dollars over the last 141 years.

City Attorney Calhoun Rutledge Alston Pinckney, Jr. - usually called CRAP, Jr. by associates - said the lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court was a serious attempt to “finally hold the U.S. military liable for the damages caused by winning the War, and confiscating the property of our citizens.”

The lawsuit also names descendents of former Presidents Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, and General William Tecumseh Sherman, charging these men as being the most responsible for the damages inflicted upon Charleston. Lincoln because as president during the war he was the commander in Chief of the United State military. Grant and Sherman were named because they were the commanding generals at the conclusion of the war, and inflicted the most damage.

“We have no personal animosity against these families,” CRAP, Jr. stated, ”but fair is fair. Since their ancestors caused the damage the family should be liable. If the cigarette companies are liable for the health risk their products inflict upon the consumer, if California can sue the automobile manufacturers for greenhouse gases, and if a woman can win a million dollars because the coffee was too hot, why can't the good white people of Charleston get reparations for their loss?"

It was the amazing success of the so-called "9/11-Wright Brothers suit" that convinced CRAP, Jr., the Civil War reparation suit should be filed. The families of the 3000+ victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks filed a class action suit against the family of Wilbur and Orville Wright claiming that "if the brothers had never perfected air flight, the 9/11 tragedy could have been averted."

CRAP, Jr. immediately contacted the lead lawyer of the 9/11 class action suit, South Carolina attorney Bill Green. Upon Green's advice, the city decided to file the reparations suit.

Green stood with Mayor So Biley behind CRAP, Jr. during the announcement. They were joined by more than 3000 local citizens who have voiced enthusiastic support for the lawsuit. Each male supporter was attired in a pale blue seersucker suit and carried a wooden walking stick. Each female in attendance wore a long white dress, tasteful hat and carried a parasol. They were also handing out buttons and bumper stickers that read: SOBs support CRAP!

After the announcement, this reporter asked Biley, the longest serving mayor in U.S. history, having been elected for his first term in 1939: "Sir, since the half cents sales tax money has been squandered paying for legal fees in the annexing battle with James Island, is this lawsuit not just an attempt to channel more funds into the black hole we call the Aquarium and to subsidize the phantom riders of CARTA ?"

Mayor Biley responded. “Absolutely not! As everyone well knows, the Aquarium is Charleston's most visited attraction. It says so in the Brochure! And CARTA is fast becoming the standard for all mass transit systems in the world. Anyway, this lawsuit is NOT for the city, it is for the citizens. It is an attempt to repair a wrong. However, if this lawsuit is not successful in procuring money for our suffering citizens, we are investigating the possiblilty, through a little known loophole we have discovered, of annexing Washington, D.C. We have also discussed the possiblity of suing the Lord God Amighty for reparations due to the 1886 earthquake and the devastation of Hurricane Hugo in 1989. Three of our local Anglican ministers assure us they have a direct line to Him, and CRAP assures me we have a strong case.

”

Attempts by this reporter to contact the Almighty for His comment have been so far unsuccessful, being Methodist instead of Anglican.

This reporter then asked Biley: "Sir, since this lawsuit is only for the benefit of white Charlestonians, explain to me the reasoning behind the decision to preclude African Americans from the suit?" Biley answered, "It's simple. The blacks didn't lose anything. They gained their freedom, while the whites lost their property. I think that is self-evident."

When asked what the city would do if all these plans failed, Biley replied, “Well, we'll just have to cecede . . . I mean, see . . . won't we?”

This reporter is off to sue his parents for raising me as a Methodist, not an Anglican, thus putting me on hold with God, not a direct line.

OUTRAGEOUS/STUPID PEOPLE OF THE WEEK

2006-09-14T21:30:00.000-04:00

LOCAL: North Charleston Ombudsman, James Bell & North Charleston City Councilman Bob King.

"Hey bud, park your car in MY spot, and I'll key your SUV. Not once, but twice! And on videotape. And then, I'll deny it! Take that! And for the hell of it, if you take me to court, I'll put some shaving cream under your door handle."

And you wonder what's wrong with South Carolina? You wonder why we remain mired in the bottom 5 in education? With civic leaders that act like third-graders, who needs Goodloe Johnson? Bet these two North Chuck politicos are products of the South Carolina Public Education system.

Good thing they have time to waste on school yard pettiness. Good thing there is no crime, no rampant shootings and drug problems in North Charleston. Guarantee that both of these guys keep their positions, and after next election, they're still on the job.

People of North Charleston, you deserve it. How about we trade you Mayor Joe for Bob and James. But people of Hanahan, prepare to be annexed.

NATIONAL: Peter Singer

Who is Peter Singer? Glad you asked.

He is an internationally known Princeton "bioethicist" and animal-rights activist who says he would kill disabled babies if it were in the "best interests" of the family, because he sees no distinction in the child's life whether it is born or not.

Singer stated that believes the next few decades will see a massive upheaval in the concept of life and rights, with only "a rump of hard-core, know-nothing religious fundamentalists" still protecting life as sacrosanct. To the rest of the enligthened, it will be a commodity to be re-evaluated regularly for its worth.

When asked, “Would you kill a disabled baby?" Singer answered, "Yes, if that was in the best interests of the baby and of the family as a whole. Many people find this shocking, yet they support a woman's right to have an abortion.”

Singer holds that man is no different from other forms a life, and therefore man's life is not worth more than, for example, a cow. He also advocated the closure of health research centers where animals are used and said it's not at all unreasonable to ascribe human characteristics to animals. "Anyone who ascribes rights to babies or humans with intellectual disabilities must be willing to attribute rights to beings who can't understand the concept," Singer said.

Okay - a baby with a club foot, or pork chops in the freezer. Which would you choose?

NOT A POLITICALLY CORRECT 9/11 MEMORIAL

2006-09-11T11:53:00.000-04:00

“Every attempt to make war easy and safe will result in humiliation and disaster.” -Gen. William T. Sherman

As far as I am concerned, the time for memorials has passed. I never watch TV news anyway, and today would be a great day for everyone to boycott them. Because all you're going to get is a series of self-absorbed memorials. What we need is NOT sugar-coated memorials, but 24 hours of video of the planes slamming into the World Trade Center, followed by the panicked people of New York fleeing for their lives as the towers collapsed, then followed by the videos of the decapitations of Daniel Pearl and Nick Berg's by adherants to the Religion of Peace - Islam. How peaceful are they? The reason Pearl and Berg were beheaded - they were Jewish.

Our current political leaders have pulled back from the commitment to protect this country from religious extremists. But, maybe its just the wrong religion. I wonder what the response would have been if the Pentagon and World Trade Centers had been attacked by a group of pro-life southern Baptists? Would the ACLU be calling for restraint and fairness in dealing with these 'insurgents'? Would the ACLU be lobbying to view these people NOT as soldeirs, but dealing with these combatants as criminals? Would the ACLU be volunteering to represent these 'insurgents' in court? Would they be calling them 'insurgents'?

“The carping and bickering of political factions in the nation's capital reminds me of two pelicans quarreling over a dead fish.” - General William T. Sherman

My main complaint against the War of Terror is this - it's a poorly run war. There is only one way to conduct a war - full out 100% to the max. You have to love politicians who refuse to learn from history. One of the main reasons Vietnam was a failure was because the military was restricted from conducting war to the max. Another of the main reasons was that the media decided to do their best to erode any support the American people may have had for the war. The battle in Iraq shold be viewed as that - a battle, just as Normandy was a battle, just as Desden was a battle in the greater conflict called World War II. Iraq is just one of many battles that will take place over the next decade between the western culture and its sworn enemy -Islamic fascism.For those of you who are not sure what fascism is . . i.e. those who love to refer to our currrent President as a fascist, here is a definition from the American Heritage dictionary:

fas‧cism –noun
1. a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.

CBS/ABC/NBC, one of those networks I never watch, is broadcasting a mini-series titled “The Road to 9/11” and many political factions are upset that some of the facts in the film are not true. Did they complain when Michael Moore's factually spotty "Fahrenheit 911" was showing on thousands of movie screens across America? I have no problem with mass media films taking "artistic license". Michael Moore made a very entertaining film, which played loose with some facts in order to make his political point. Okay. I didn't see anyone in the government trying to shut him down, or asking him to re-edit his film. in fact, amny in the government embraced Moore. Remember him sitting in the box during the Democratic National Convention next to former Pres. Carter?

How about being consistent. You either have to be FOR factual accuracy, or not. Don't do it on a case-to-case basis. What's good for the goose, etc . . . And for God's sake, don't try to be in charge of content of a so-called "fictional film based on historic accounts". Those who are trying to limit what a group of artists (film makers) can broadcast are coming close to the definition of fascism.

In case some of you have forgotten, or conveniently ignored the facts, here is a list of some of the things that led up to the "War on Terror".

-- November 1979: Muslim extremists (Iranian variety) seized the U.S. embassy in Iran and held 52 American hostages for 444 days, following Democrat Jimmy Carter's masterful foreign policy granting Islamic fanaticism its first real foothold in the Middle East.
-- 1982: Muslim extremists (mostly Hezbollah) began a nearly decade-long habit of taking Americans and Europeans hostage in Lebanon, killing William Buckley and holding Terry Anderson for 6 1/2 years.
-- April 1983: Muslim extremists (Islamic Jihad or possibly Hezbollah) bombed the U.S. Embassy in Beirut, killing 16 Americans.
-- October 1983: Muslim extremists (Hezbollah) blew up the U.S. Marine barracks at the Beirut airport, killing 241 Marines.
-- December 1983: Muslim extremists (al-Dawa) blew up the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait, killing five and injuring 80.
-- September 1984: Muslim extremists (Hezbollah) exploded a truck bomb
at the U.S. Embassy annex in Beirut, killing 24 people, including two U.S. servicemen.
-- December 1984: Muslim extremists (probably Hezbollah) hijacked a Kuwait Airways airplane, landed in Iran and demanded the release of the 17 members of al-Dawa who had been arrested for the bombing of the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait, killing two Americans before the siege was over.
-- June 14, 1985: Muslim extremists (Hezbollah) hijacked TWA Flight 847 out of Athens, diverting it to Beirut, taking the passengers hostage in return for the release of the Kuwait 17 as well as another 700 prisoners held by Israel. When their demands were not met, the Muslims shot U.S. Navy diver Robert Dean Stethem and dumped his body on the tarmac.
-- October 1985: Muslim extremists (Palestine Liberation Front backed by Libya) seized an Italian cruise ship, the Achille Lauro, killing 69-year-old American Leon Klinghoffer by shooting him and then tossing his body overboard.
-- December 1985: Muslim extremists (backed by Libya) bombed airports in Rome and Vienna, killing 20 people, including five Americans.
-- April 1986: Muslim extremists (backed by Libya) bombed a discotheque frequented by U.S. servicemen in West Berlin, injuring hundreds and killing two, including a U.S. soldier.
-- December 1988: Muslim extremists (backed by Libya) bombed Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, killing all 259 on board and 11 on the ground.
-- February 1993: Muslim extremists (al-Gama'a al-Islamiyya, possibly with involvement of friendly rival al Qaeda) set off a bomb in the basement of the World Trade Center, killing six and wounding more than 1,000. The Clinton administration treated it as a crime, not an attack.
-- Spring 1993: Muslim extremists (al-Gama'a al-Islamiyya, the Sudanese Islamic Front and at least one member of Hamas) plot to blow up the Lincoln and Holland tunnels, the U.N. complex, and the FBI's lower Manhattan headquarters.
-- November 1995: Muslim extremists (possibly Iranian "Party of God")
explode a car bomb at U.S. military headquarters in Saudi Arabia, killing five U.S. military servicemen.
-- June 1996: Muslim extremists (13 Saudis and a Lebanese member of Hezbollah, probably with involvement of al Qaeda) explode a truck bomb outside the Khobar Towers military complex, killing 19 American servicemen and injuring hundreds.
-- August 1998: Muslim extremists (al Qaeda) explode truck bombs at U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, killing 224 and injuring thousands.
-- October 2000: Muslim extremists (al Qaeda) blow up the U.S. Navy destroyer USS Cole, killing 17 U.S. sailors.
-- Sept. 11, 2001: Muslim extremists (al Qaeda) hijack commercial aircraft and fly planes into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania, killing nearly 3,000 Americans.

“War is the remedy that our enemies have chosen, and I say let us give them all they want.” - General William T. Sherman

To those of you who are still addicted to TV news, mainsteam newspapers and magazines, how many of these events do you remember? Have you heard these events mentioned in the last five years? If you have, I'm sure it was not mentioned in the context as part of the War on Terror. The news media are not in business to educate you, they are in business to make money and push an agenda that is “progessive” (i.e. socialist). Remember the Vietnam conflict?

“I hate newspapermen. They come into camp and pick up their camp rumors and print them as facts. I regard them as spies, which, in truth, they are. If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast.” - General William T. Sherman

At some point, hopefully before it becomes too late, the majority of Americans will understand that this “War on Terror” will never end until the enemy is completely destroyed. Until people understand that our enemy is radical Islamists - people who are resolved to kill everyone who does not agree with them, and are commited to doing so, even if it means their death - this War will limp along like s-l-o-w-l-y pulling a Band-Aid off a wound. The only way to defeat an enemy who wants to destroy your way of life is to kill them and destroy their way of life.

I see these cars with bumper stickers that say "STOP WAR". If we stopped the War On Terror today, what would happen? We would be attacked again and again by our enemies. What have you accomplished except being responsible for the death of thousands of civilians? A Pacifist is someone who doesn't believe in Evil.

The best way to stop war is defeat the enemy so completely that you will never have to worry about them attacking you again. As odd as it seems, the best way to get peace is wage total war. General Sherman understood that. What do you think would have happened if Sherman had not so completely destroyed the South's spirit by leaving behind utter desolation? I bet there would have been years of skirmishes between Union soldiers and pockets of Rebel units striking in quick guerrila raids - similar to what is happening in Iraq right now.

The politicians in charge of our country, from Pres. Bush all the way down to your local representive in Congress, will never have the backbone to wage this war as it should be until their constituents (YOU and ME!) convince them what needs to be done. The time for looking to politicans for courage and leadership is long gone. And the sad thing is, once the majority of Americans realize what needs to be done, it may be too late.

“If the people raise a great howl against my barbarity and cruelty, I will answer that war is war, and not popularity seeking.”- General William T. Sherman

Response to P&C letter to the editor

2006-09-07T10:50:00.000-04:00

Dear Susan Benedict,

The American Heritage Dictionary defines 'stupid' as “slow to learn or understand. Marked by a lack of intelligence or unaware”. It also defines 'ignorance' as “the condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed”. As there is no real cure for stupidity and the cure for ignorance is education, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you are the latter and not the former on the subject in which you decided to pontificate in a letter to The Post and Courier - protecting the carriage horses on the streets of Charleston.

As a tour guide and carriage driver for Palmetto Carriage Works, I appreciate everyone who shows an interest in our tourism industry - the industry that makes Charleston the desirable place it is to live. I particularly appreciate those who have a genuine interest in our carriage operation. I can assure you, Mrs./Ms./Miss Benedict, that if you had spent any time at all in the Big Red Barn at 8 Guignard Street, you would have never written the letter you did. It always amazes me that the people who complain the most about the equine carriage industry are people who have nothing to do with it! Let me address some of the points you raised line by line.

Charleston is known as one of America's most polite cities. Wouldn't it be great to also be known as one of America's most humane?

Did you do some research that indicates otherwise, Mrs./Ms./ Miss Benedict? The Charleston carriage has an exemplary record of animal care, one of the best in the United States. People who know the carriage industry are already aware of that. We have set the model for equine care in America - through our hard work, our love for this city and for our jobs, and through our respect for the animals in our care.

If humane conditions were conspicuously observed, more people would feel comfortable taking carriage rides. As a highly visible model for the humane care of the horses, not only would the horses benefit but the carriage business would benefit from the good will. The Charleston tourism business would no doubt receive a great deal of positive publicity nationally by initiating these standards.

Again, do you have some knowledge of inhumane conditions that I do not have? If so, please report it. It seems to me that many people (thousands a week) are comfortable taking carriage rides. During this past Labor Day weekend, Mrs./Ms./Miss Benedict, I worked a 10-12 hour shift on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. During those four days I conducted 24 carriage tours with a total of at least 200 people on board. Each of those customer spent time in the Big Red Barn. They played with the animals, witnessed our large, clean stalls, and watched our barn hands administer water and take animal temperatures after every tour (as required by city regulations).

I have been in this business for five years, and have seen very few people walk away with a feeling of ill will toward the carriage industry. We do our part EVERY DAY FOR 364 DAYS A YEAR to generate good will among the public. How often do you come down and help? That's pretty conspicuous, don't you think? The Charleston toursim business is already generating positive national publicity. The numbers of visitors to our city has increased every year. The number of people who come to Charleston who take a carriage ride HAS ALSO INCREASED.

In a survey of visitors the number one attraction that tourists claim they would do again is take a carriage ride. Not visit the Joe Riley Over-Budget-Price-Gouging Aquarium; not Patriots Point; not Boone Hall Plantation; not Middleton or Magnolia Plantation; not take in a game at the Joe Riley baseball stadium; not the Nathaniel Russell House, but TAKE A CARRIAGE RIDE. When people think of Charleston tourism the carriages are always one of the first things they mention.

At the corner where the route lottery is decided there should be a large and highly visible thermometer with a sign stating that the horse carriages do not operate when the temperature exceeds 90 degrees Fahrenheit.

Good luck getting the city to approve a “large and highly visible thermometer with a sign” on the corner of Market and Church Streets. Do you know anything about the strict codes and regulations downtown on the peninsula? And if it did read that “horse carriages do not operate when the temperature exceeds 90 degrees Fahrenheit” it would be spreading false information. We can operate until the temperature reaches 98 degrees Fahrenheit (as mandated by city regulations - which has been under review for several months and the committee recommended the 98 degree standard as being within safe limits.)

If you had ever made a trip to the Big Red Barn, you would know that Palmetto Carriage ALREADY HAS A SIGN like you suggest on the front door of the barn. Every day at work I see dozens of people standing and reading OUR SIGN that describes that city's standards for animal care, and OUR standards, which are higher than the city in most instances. At the bottom is the name of my owner, his family and all the other employees of Palmetto Carriage that indicates our commitment to animal care.

Though this might take the horses off the street for a few hours in mid-day during the summer, favorable publicity about Charleston's humane carriage trade would produce an overall increase in the number of passengers and would most certainly be a positive aspect of our tourism.

I'm not sure how this would increase the number of passengers when it would reduce the number hours we have for operation. You do know that we have a limited number of hours in which we can conduct tours, don't you? By city regulation, we are only allowed to conduct tours within the historic residential district from 9:00 a.m. to 6 p.m. (during daylight savings time) and until 5:00 p.m. (during standard time). I don't see how having less hours of operation will “increase” our business at all. And since we're already getting positive favorable publicity about our carriage industry (as we have discussed), I'm not sure what point you are trying to make.

The number of passengers per carriage should further be limited to a burden that is reasonable for each animal. The Brooke Organization recommends no more than four passengers ride per carriage. Recently, accompanied by my out-of-town guests, I watched as one carriage was being loaded with 12 tourists, several of whom were obese.

Do you know what is reasonable for an animal to pull? Have you conducted a study of the pulling power of an equine animal? Do you work in the industry day-in-and-day-out, and have some experience with equine animals that would make your opinion and recommendation worthy of taking seriously? Who is the Brooke Organization that recommends four passengers per carriage? Do they also recommend if some of the passengers are obese, the number should be reduced to three passengers, or two?

The carriage you watched being loaded with 12 passengers was well within the limits of what the carriages and animals can handle. The large carriages are designed to carry up to 16 adult passengers. If you wish to limit the hours we can operate during the daytime, we'd better carry 16 or more on each carriage to be able to make up for the lack of business so we can turn a profit. But, you'll be happy to know that due to city regulations, the size and weight of a carriage is already restricted to a standard which takes into consideration animal, customer and traffic safety.

And by the way, we DO have carriages designed for four passengers Mrs./Ms./Miss Benedict - they are called private carriages. Come by the Big Red Barn and check them out.

Those with the power to do so should make the Charleston horse-carriage business one that is a model of humane care that will give visitors a good memory of their vacations. Even if a few visitors are unable to get a carriage ride during a few hours of extreme heat, they at least will leave knowing that, in addition to politeness, Charleston is an example of kindness as well.

Those with the power ARE making the carriage industry the model of humane care in America. I AM ONE OF THOSE WITH THE POWER. By showing up to work every day and being a conscientious tour guide, and respectful of my working partners (animals) I make a difference every day that I work. As do the rest of my fellow tour guides. As do the dedicated barn staff who are in charge of the day-to-day-hour-by-hour care of our animals. As do my company's owner and managers, Tom Doyle, Tommy Doyle, Ben Doyle and David Gwynn-Vaughn. What do you do every day to make the carriage industy the MODEL of humane care, Mrs./Ms./Miss Benedict?

Palmetto Carriage gets letters and e-mails from our customers on a regular basis praising our operation and telling us that they are going to recommend us to their friends. I also recieve letters and e-mails from former customers thanking me for helping to make their trip to Charleston so special. Tens of thousands of people go home from their Charleston vacations with a good memory of their trip, and their carriage ride.

Let me tell how serious Palmetto Carriage is about the health of our equine animals. We use mules instead of draft horses to pull our carriages. As you may or may not know, the mule is a sterile hybrid of a male donkey bred with a female horse. It has greater endurance and is stronger and less excitable than a horse. Depending on the need, different breeds of horses can be used to produce fine riding mules, heavy draft mules or medium-sized pack animals. In Medieval Europe, when horses were bred large to carry armored knights, mules were the preferred riding animal of gentlemen and clergy.

The King of Spain presented George Washington with a large black jack in 1785. This animal, "Royal Gift," is considered the father of the mule industry in the United States.Mules were once used to pull fire-fighting equipment and were often employed by armies to pull artillery and to remove the wounded from the battlefield. The twenty-mule team that hauled borax from Death Valley and other mining centers in the West has become part of American legend. Indeed, some western towns were originally laid out with extremely wide streets to allow the mule teams to turn around.

The main mule-breeding centers in the United States developed in Tennessee, Kentucky and Missouri to provide work animals for the cotton fields of the Old South. After the American Civil War and the development of tenant farming throughout the South, the mule continued as the major draft animal in American agriculture. "Forty acres and a mule" was all one needed for self-sufficiency. The importance of the mule declined rapidly in the 1940s and 1950s, however, as gasoline-driven tractors became widespread, and mules all but disappeared from the American scene.

I invite you to come visit us at The Big Red Barn. Look at our mules and horses - yes we have both. Our horses only pull the smaller 4 person private carriages. Feel free to come to our barn at any time during working hours. It is open to the public. We don't have any equine torture chambers hidden in the basement either.

Presidential Sex Survey

2006-08-31T11:08:00.000-04:00

Illicit presidential sexual affairs are nothing new. Presidents have been catting around since George "father of the country" Washington was called the "Stallion of the Potomac". Here are a few interesting tidbit from a book called Presidential Sex by Wesley O. Hagood.

1. Which president repeatedly made love to a young girl from his home town in a White House coat closet when, on several occasions, his wife was prevented from beating down the door by the Secret Service?
Answer: Warren G. Harding

2. Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's wife while he was enegagedto another woman?
Answer: George Washington

3. Which president called his mistress “Pookie”?
Answer: Bill Clinton

4. Which president smoked marijuana in the nude with a naked, nubile young playgirl and joked about being incapacitated when it came time to push “the button” in the event of a nuclear attack?
Answer: JFK

5. Which vice president became angry because he felt that his record of sexual conquests was far greater than the sitting president reputation for conquests?
Answer: Lyndon Johnson

6. Which two presidents called upon young women in the White House secreterial pool for recreational sex?
Answer: JFK and Lyndon Johnson

7. Which president has a torrid love affair with the first lady's personal secretary?
Answer: FDR

8. Which president had a decades-long affiar with a slave who was also his wife's half sister?
Answer: Thomas Jefferson

9. Which president and vice president were rumored to have a 20 year long homosexual affair?
Answer: James Buchanan and VP William Rufus King.

10. Which president regularly had sex with a secretary stretched out on a White House desk?
Answer: Lyndon Johnson

11. Which president's campaign train made regular stops so he could visit a mistress?
Answer: FDR

12. Which president had an affair with his driver?
Answer: Eisenhower

13. On the eve of his inauguration which president, at a private party, lined up all the women willing to sleep with him and chose two to take to the bedroom together?
Answer: JFK

14. Which president made love in a White House closet while telling his lover about a former president who use to make love to his mistress in the same closet?Answer: JFK

15. Which president had an affair with the winner and a finalist in the Miss America contest?
Answer: Bill Clinton

The Real Opponent - PETA

2006-08-05T08:29:00.000-04:00

Some of the people trying to shut down the carriage industry may just be misguided locals who truly don''t want a carriage driving by their house. Okay . .. I get that. However, many of the so-called "concerned citizens" are front line infantry for PETA - People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals.

If you wanna know a few things about PETA - our opponent in the carriage battle, read on:

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has been described as "by far the most successful radical organization in America." The key word is radical. PETA seeks "total animal liberation," according to its president and co-founder, Ingrid Newkirk. That means no meat or dairy, of course; but it also means no aquariums, no circuses, no hunting or fishing, no fur or leather, and no medical research using animals. PETA is even opposed to the use of seeing-eye dogs.

They also have a dirty little secret.

PETA kills animals. By the thousands. From July 1998 through the end of 2005, PETA killed over 14,400 dogs, cats, and other "companion animals" -- at its Norfolk, Virginia headquarters. That's more than five defenseless animals every day. Not counting the dogs and cats PETA spayed and neutered, the group put to death over 90 percent of the animals it took in during 2005 alone. And its angel-of-death pattern shows no sign of changing.

On its 2002 federal income-tax return, PETA claimed a $9,370 write-off for a giant walk-in freezer, the kind most people use as a meat locker or for ice-cream storage. But animal-rights activists don't eat meat or dairy foods. So far, the group hasn't confirmed the obvious -- that it's using the appliance to store the bodies of its victims.

In 2000, when the Associated Press first noted PETA's Kervorkian-esque tendencies, PETA president Ingrid Newkirk complained that actually taking care of animals costs more than killing them. "We could become a no-kill shelter immediately," she admitted.

PETA kills animals. Because it has other financial priorities. PETA raked in nearly $29 million last year in income, much of it raised from pet owners who think their donations actually help animals. Instead, the group spends huge sums on programs equating people who eat chicken with Nazis, scaring young children away from drinking milk, recruiting children into the radical animal-rights lifestyle, and intimidating businessmen and their families in their own neighborhoods.

PETA has also spent tens of thousands of dollars defending arsonists and other violent extremists. PETA claims it engages in outrageous media-seeking stunts "for the animals." But which animals? Carping about the value of future two-piece dinners while administering lethal injections to puppies and kittens isn't ethical. It's hypocritical -- with a death toll that PETA would protest if it weren't their own doing. PETA kills animals. And its leaders dare lecture the rest of us.

7 Things You Didn't Know About PETA

1) PETA president and co-founder Ingrid Newkirk has described her group’s overall goal as “total animal liberation.” This means no meat, no milk, no zoos, no circuses, no wool, no leather, no hunting, no fishing, and no pets (not even seeing-eye dogs). PETA is also against all medical research that requires the use of animals.

2) Despite its constant moralizing about the “unethical” treatment of animals by restaurant owners, grocers, farmers, scientists, anglers, and countless other Americans, PETA has killed over 10,000 dogs and cats at its Norfolk, Virginia headquarters. During 2003, PETA put to death over 85 percent of the animals it collected from members of the public.

3) PETA has given tens of thousands of dollars to convicted arsonists and other violent criminals. This includes a 2001 donation of $1,500 to the North American Earth Liberation Front (ELF), an FBI-certified “domestic terrorist” group responsible for dozens of firebombs and death threats. During the 1990s, PETA paid $70,200 to an Animal Liberation Front (ALF) activist convicted of burning down a Michigan State University research laboratory. In his sentencing recommendation, a federal prosecutor implicated PETA president Ingrid Newkirk in that crime. PETA vegetarian campaign coordinator Bruce Friedrich told an animal rights convention in 2001 that “blowing stuff up and smashing windows” is “a great way to bring about animal liberation.”

4) PETA activists regularly target children as young as six years old with anti-meat and anti-milk propaganda, often waiting outside their schools to intercept them as they walk to and from class-without notifying parents. One piece of kid-targeted PETA literature tells small children: “Your Mommy Kills Animals!” One PETA vice president told the Fox News Channel’s audience: “Our campaigns are always geared towards children, and they always will be.”

5) PETA has used a related organization, the PETA Foundation, to fund the misnamed Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM), a deceptive animal rights group that promotes itself as an unbiased source of medical and nutritional information. PCRM's president also serves as president of the PETA Foundation.

6) PETA runs campaigns seemingly calculated to offend religious believers. One entire PETA website is devoted to the claim-despite ample evidence to the contrary-that Jesus Christ was a vegetarian. PETA holds protests at houses of worship, even suing one church that tried to protect its members from Sunday-morning harassment. Its billboards taunt Christians with the message that hogs “died for their sins.” And its infamous “Holocaust on Your Plate” campaign crassly compares the Jewish victims of Nazi genocide with farm animals.

7) PETA has repeatedly attacked research foundations like the March of Dimes, the Pediatric AIDS Foundation, and the American Cancer Society, because they support animal-based research that might uncover cures for birth defects and life-threatening diseases. PETA president Ingrid Newkirk has said that “even if animal research resulted in a cure for AIDS, we would be against it.”

Stubborn As A Mule, or Smarter Than a Local?

2006-07-31T17:23:00.000-04:00

Every summer a few local citizens protest the use of large animals (horses and mules) to pull carriage through the streets of Charleston. They claim to be concerned over the health of the animials. Hmmm . . . Recently there was a front page article on The Post & Courier dealing with this issue. The headline read:

TURNING UP THE HEAT

A long-running feud over guideline for Charleston's animal-drawn carriages during summer months has reached a boiling point

As a tour guide (yes, I'm one of the evil ones who drive carriages) I would like to address a few things. Number One, I work for Palmetto Carriage, and we voluntarily use a team of 2 mules to pull our large carriages, since mules are more heat adaptable than horses. I would like to know what experience that protestors have dealing with large animals, mules or horses. Following is a transcript of the Courier article written by Kyle Stock, and my comments (in gray). Also, I will be inserting quotes from a famous statesman to illustrate my points.

Quote # 1: “I use emotion for the many, and reason for the few.” -- Adolph Hitler

News article:
The city of Charleston is getting around to regulating one of its oldest industries, animal-drawn carriage tours, but a coalition of residents argues the process has been hijacked by tour companies and says officials won't go far enough to protect tourism's beast of burdens. "I really felt like we were hitting a spot where everyone was pretty happy, and all of a sudden it was like a political movement just jumped up," said John Malark, an equine veterinarian on the committee writing the new rules. "They are trying to do everything they can to limit the amount of trips that are done. ... I hope they don't derail the whole process and cut down two years of work."Although City Council will not see the proposed legislation until September or October, critics are already hot under the collar about several issues, particularly the proposed temperature thresholds at which guides must stop animal-drawn tours.A group of residents calling itself the Carriage Horse Safety Committee said draft animals often get sick and die in cramped stables because of their workload, citing a carriage company employee they declined to identify. (My suggestion: instead of lumping the entire industry in one package, why not check out each company indivually, and see which of the companies are breaking the rules. Why not root out the bad apples, the ones breaking the law and leave the other more responsible companies alone? For the same reason that a certain carriage company {Polo} can be in residential neighborhoods after specified hours and not get ticketed, they have an ”in” with the city's bubba network.)

(Responsible) Carriage companies deny those claims and have suggested that those pushing for tighter guidelines are more interested in keeping carriages away from their peninsular homes.In the balance hang six companies and a multimillion-dollar industry that loads about 30,000 carriages a year. For some time, the city has had rules detailing acceptable carriage routes and traffic levels and requiring a "diapering apparatus" on each horse and mule. But it has little on the books about animal welfare.
Voluntary guidelines The carriage industry in Charleston has been operating voluntarily on a set of veterinarians' "guidelines." Draft animals are fed, watered, rested and monitored based on these loose, but largely unenforceable, rules. Tour guides are supposed to check animals' temperatures when the weather hits 95 degrees, and stop tours when the mercury ticks up to 98 or when the total heat index -degrees plus humidity level - is 185.

The city has paid a third-party veterinarian $200 to $300 a day to check up occasionally on the animals and businesses. Amid a push for stricter regulations, the city formed a six-person committee in early 2004 to research the contested issues and write a comprehensive ordinance. After almost 2 1/2 years, the committee has a draft that reads much like the current guidelines. Under the proposal, companies would start taking the temperature of draft animals after every tour when the mercury hits 90 degrees. They would have to stop tours when temperatures hit 98 degrees or when the combination of heat and humidity tops 180.Residents and animal-welfare advocates are arguing for lower thresholds. They say they have spent a great deal of their time in the past two years following the committee's progress and debating issues. (But have they spent any time working in the carriage industry, or even witnessing the day-to-day care and maintenance of the animals?)

Quote #2: “The masses of the people will more easily fall victim to the
big lies than to a small one.” -- Adolph Hitler

Vocal critic
One of the loudest critics of the proposed regulations has been downtown resident Ellen Harley. In a June 5 e-mail, Harley wrote that the committee's draft ordinance is weaker than the 1993 guidelines."The carriage operators right now 'own' the committee; they are in complete control," she wrote. "Don't think that the SPCA or the veterinarian will protect the animals," Harley wrote, referring to Malark and another committee member from a local animal-welfare organization.The e-mail was forwarded to the committee and prompted a response from its chairman and at least one other member. Cathy Forrester, the committee head and director of development at the Coastal Conservation League, said the message was disturbing. "To suggest that the carriage operators 'own' the committee ... is a disservice to all of us and does not advance the process," she wrote.Committee member Tom Doyle, owner of Palmetto Carriage Works Ltd., wrote of Harley: "The collection of lies and insults in the e-mail sent under your name went well beyond the committee and into the community."

(Ellen Harley, 23 Wentworth Street / 843.853.7282
Historic Ansonborough Neighborhood Association /www.ansonborough.org
She is listed on the website as living at 46 Anson Street, but listed in the phone book at the Wentworth Street address. However,the last update on the website was 2003. Makes you wonder how active they actually are,doesn't it? What do they do, other than get together to drink and complain about carriage tours?)

War of words
The debate continued this week in a string of e-mails copied to The Post and Courier. Harley called Doyle's response "unfortunate and hysterical" and again criticized the makeup of the committee. She noted that in South Carolina animals can be euthanized without a veterinarian present, a loophole that she said may have allowed carriage companies to keep a clean record on animal mistreatment. Doyle, in turn, called for Harley to reveal evidence of heat-stressed horses. "Put up or shut up," he wrote. Pat Jones, president of the Historic Ansonborough Neighborhood Association, supported Harley's statement. "We have been rebuffed by the committee at all stages," Jones wrote. (Again, I suggest to Jones (no relation by the way, whew) and Harley, come work in the industry for a few days, help take care othe animals, or at least spend an entire day watching the operation from opening to closing. And by the way . . . if either of you own a cat, do you change your cat litter box EVERY DAY, like we replace the wood chips in all 12 of our sizable stalls each day?)

Conflicts of interest?
In an interview, Harley and Jones also said Malark, the veterinarian on the committee, has a conflict of interest because he counts carriage companies as clients. Malark said the only other equine veterinarian in the area also does business with carriage tour operators. (Hmmm, the veternarian was put on the committee due to his experience in dealing with equine animals, but Jones and Harley complain that since he takes care of carriage animals, he should be disqualified. Would you go to a plastic surgeon to treat an intestinal disorder? When your car breaks down, do you take it to an attorney?)

"Most of these critics are downtown Charleston residents, and they have some issues with the carriage companies for a lot of other reasons than the care of their horses - traffic issues, etc.," Malark said. "I don't know that anyone that lives downtown with a complaint doesn't have a conflict of interest of their own."Harley and Jones said their push for tighter carriage rules is not selfishly motivated.

"What we're seeking is humane treatment for the animals, period," Harley said. "That's the only agenda we have."

End of news article

By the way, Harley recently coordinated a full-day campaign workshop for the League of Women Voters to equip women with the skills to run for office. At the workshop, more than 50 women of all ages and backgrounds learned the nuts-and-bolts of running a campaign—from making the decision to grassroots organizing to fundraising. Hmmm . . . Sounds like Harley is not only a politically active person, but one who is educated in the manipultion of public opinion; it makes you wonder about her agenda, doesn't it? Beware of politicians who insist they only have one agenda. After all, Bill Clinton's agenda as president (other than dropping trou), was a peace accord in the Mid East between Israel and the neighboring Arab states. Worked out well, didn't it?

Quote # 3: "The greater the lie, the more readily it will be
believed." -- Adolph Hitler

Congratulations, Sullivan's Island & Happy Birthday, Mary Jo Kopechne!!

2006-07-26T12:25:00.000-04:00

SMOKERS AREN'T WELCOME IN SULLIVAN'S BUSINESSES

The Post and Courier - Charleston, S.C.

Jun 21, 2006

Sullivan's Island is the first municipality in South Carolina to pass such a law. Councilman Everett Presson had proposed the workplace smoking ban several months ago, mainly to protect workers in businesses, restaurants and bars.

Congratulations, Sullivan's Island. I'm sure Will Moredock and his gang of goose-stepping PCers are already marching lockstep in full force through the doors of your bars and restaurants. By the way, isn't that hamburger you are serving full of fat? If you eat too many you will become obese, taking up too much room at the table, which will infringe on someone else's right to sit at the table with you. So we'd better ban fattening food RIGHT NOW! before there's only room for 2 people at a table designed to seat four.

And isn't the glass full of alcohol? You know, if you drink too much you will get drunk and kill some goose-stepper on the way home and have MADD mad at you.

By the way, how many of you know that Sullivan's Island was named after Captain Florence O'Sullivan who was described as an "ill-natured buggerer of children"?(source: 'Captain Florence O'Sullivan and the Origins of Carolina', South Carolina Historical Magazine #76, October 1975)

In that spirit . . . . I offer this retro advertisement

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Today is the birthday of Mary Jo Kopechne. Had she chosen to go hunting with Dick Cheney rather than go for a drive with Ted Kennedy, she would have been 66 years old today. However, she is still dead, and Ted Kennedy is still a U.S. Senator.

The mysteries of the case continue to haunt Ted Kennedy as well as the
authorities who investigated them. Charges of ineptitude and lack of diligence
abounded, as did insinuations that the machinery of justice crumbled beneath the
power and prestige of the Kennedy family. George Killen, former State Police
Detective-Lieutenant, and chief of a never-revealed investigation, lamented that
the failure to bring the case to a satisfactory conclusion was "the biggest mistake" of a long and distinguished police career. Senator Kennedy, he said, "killed that girl the same as if he put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger."~ Senatorial Privilege by Leo Damore

Those facts, and the more amazing reality that people actually take him seriously and keep electing him, is astounding.

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: Black Water by Joyce Carol Oates. A fictional treatment of the incident that has more truth than all of Teddy's statements following the accident.

Can you believe the cowardice (ignorance, group-think) of the media for NEVER bringing up that issue? But what do you expect when you have the followging types of people in charge of the media today:

According to an article in USA Today, NPR 90-year-old newsman Daniel Shorr has to deal with ignorant, young news producers (who were “educated” almost exclusively at east coast “elite” colleges, like Columbia, Brown, etc . . .). They ask him brilliant questions like this:“Which war came first, Vietnam or Korea?” (Answer: Korea.) One producer even asked, “You covered the Spanish-American War, didn't you?” Shorr replied, “That was in 1898.”

I see the same symptoms, but in a different way. I was giving a carriage tour and I mentioned that the battery sea wall was constructed after the War of 1812. And someone on my carriage asked (I am not joking).

“That was against the Germans, right?”

“No, the British,” I said.

“No, no, that was the Revolutionary War,” he replied.

"As was the War of 1812," I said.

"No, I'm pretty sure it was the Germans, or France."

“You're right,” I said, realizing I was in a disccussion that was going in circles and was going to take too long to straighten out. A carriage tour lasts only 1 hour. It was going to take longer than that to straighten him out. Probably another product of South Carolina Public schools (as am I, by the way, but I have always heeded Mark Twain's advice: "Never let your schooling interfere with your education."

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: The War of 1812: A Forgotten Conflict by Donald R. Hickey

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The recent escalation of violence in the Mid-East has prompted many so-called 'elite' political pundits to call this World War III. I beg to differ. There is one thing that needs to happen to ensure that this becomes a World War. France has to surrender. Once France surrenders, THEN we can consider this a true World War.As President Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "In politics there are no accidents. If it happens you can bet it was planned that way." I have always thought: if you're not paranoid, you're NOT paying attention to the important stuff. And, by the way, 90% of the time, the mainstream media does not cover the important stuff.

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: Rule by Secrecy by Jim Marrs. Even if you don't believe everything in the book, you will be watching and reading the news with a different perspective.

Charleston - The Most Mannerly City?

2006-07-17T06:55:00.000-04:00

"It is the manners and spirit of a people which preserve a republic in vigor.” -- Thomas Jefferson

Had a nice thing happen this week while driving a carriage. I was assigned to the private carriage one day (the four-seater as opposed to the 16-seater). My customers were a couple from Tallahassee who had a Spanish exchange student living with them during the summer.

While we were driving along in SOB territory (South of Broad Street) we came upon a lemonade stand operated by two little girls - ages 3-6. My customers wanted to buy some lemonade from the girls so I pulled into a parking spot under a shade tree. I am a supporter of the free enterprise system even in its most rudimentary stages - three cups of lemonade for $3. I hope the city doesn't charge the girls the half cents sales tax to help pay for those empty CARTA buses I always see driving downtown in the evening.

While the girls were preparing the lemonade the grandparents came outside and we began to chat. By the way, the grandfather was smoking a cigar!! I hope the city doesn't try to arrest him. He was smoking on the sidewallk, next to a lemonade stand! If city council passes the smoking ban in bars and restaurants would this constitute a violation? I hope the city wouldn't try to close the lemonade stand down because of their grandfather's insensitivity! Maybe Will Moredock of The Charleston City Paper can write a column condemning the grandfather for endangering the lives of his grandduaghters.

While we were chatting and the girls were delivering the lemonade to the carriage, the grandmother brought carrots out to feed the horse. And the evil, cigar-smoking grandfather asked, "How would you guys like to see the inside of a Charleston house?"

I asked him, "Where are you from? You're obviously not from Charleston."
He asked, "Why do you think that?"
I replied, "Very few people born in Charleston who grew up south of Broad would offer a tourist a free tour of their house."

Turns out I was right. They were not true locals; they were transplants. And some of the nicest, most gracious people I have met in a long time.

graciousness.
adj. 1. Characterized by kindness and warm courtesy. 2. Characterized by tact and propriety: responded to an insult with gracious humor.3. Of a merciful or compassionate nature.
Synonyms: gracious, cordial, genial, sociable

Charleston has been voted America's Most Mannerly City for about 300 years. Notice we don't get voted American's Most Friendly City. There is a big difference between "mannerly" and "friendly". Charlestonians are usually unfailing mannerly. We are nice to people to their face. We are polite and helpful, but once they are gone . . .

Over the last two weeks I have heard reports that some locals became upset by some of the things I mentioned in a previous blog. I had written about the rudeness and lack of grace by some locals who interupt tour guides conducting their business - giving tours. It somehow got into two local publications and some people took offense. However, I am assuming most locals weren't THAT upset since only one of them contacted me personally. And he made a nice point. He stated:

"You've chosen as your 'office' a public space, so dealing with everyone else who by right has access to that same space comes with your choice of vocation. The passer-by has exactly as much right to free speech at that exact same point of real estate as do you."

He is right, but my issue was never free speech. I am a proponent of free speech in ALL forms, including flag burning and smoking in public, not just the speech I agree with. My issue was with the rudeness of some locals. It was nice this week to come into contact with some who were beyond nice, the epitome of grace . . . even if they weren't TRUE Charlestonians.

“The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can’t ignore it, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh at it; if you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved.” -- Russell Lynes (b. 1910), U.S. editor, critic.

Charleston Firsts

2006-07-10T19:45:00.000-04:00

Here is a partial list of Charleston firsts that I have compiling. I'm sure there are more. If anyone knows of any, and can substantiate them . . . I'd love to know.

1. First rice planted in America in the late 1680s. By 1690, rice was being exported and by 1700, according to the Collector of Customs in Charleston, there was so much rice being imported that "there were not enough ships in the harbor to export it all".

2. America's first woman artist was a Charlestonian, Henrietta Johnson, wife of Colonial Commissary Gideon Johnson. Between 1707-1728, she painted pastel likenesses of such wealthy Charlestonians as Gov. Thomas Broughton, Sir Nathaniel Johnson, and Col. William Rhett.

3. 1734: First theatre in America is built. Dock Street theatre.

4. 1735: First opera performed in America.

5. 1736: America's first fire insurance company, the "Friendly Society for the Mutual Insuring of Houses Against Fire", was organized in Charleston. The devastating fire of 1740, which burned over 300 bldgs., bankrupted the company.

6. In 1737, Dr. John Lining made America's first scientific weather observations from his home at the corner of Broad/King Streets.

7. 1748: First cotton exported to England – 7 bags.

8. 1749: Kahal Kadosh Beth Elohim, was organized and in 1824 became Reformed. First Reformed Jewish Synagogue in America. By 1800, Beth Elohim Charleston had the largest Jewish community in America – 500.

9. First commercial crop of indigo, a dye plants destined to become a valuable colonial export, was planted and harvested in Charleston. Eliza (Elizabeth) Lucas (later to become the wife of Chief Justice Charles Pinckney) obtained indigo seeds form the West Indies and experimented with the plants as a young girl. By the start of the Revolutionary War, Charles Town was exporting more than a million pounds a year.

10. 1773: First American Chamber of Commerce was organized in Charleston. (In Shepherd's Tavern –corner of Church/Broad St.)

11. 1773: First science museum

12. 1775: The American Colonies' first independent flag (to replace the Union Jack) was designed by Col. William Moultrie, then commanding the state militia units that occupied Fort Johnson on James Island. It was a blue flag decorated with a white crescent, in honor if the crescents which decorated the hats of the militia.

13. Nov. 11, 1775, South Carolina's first Revolutionary War naval battle took place when two British men-of-war, the HMS Tamar and HMS Cherokee, fired upon the newly-commissioned South Carolina schooner Defence, a converted trading ship. Lord William Campbell, the last Royal Governor of South Carolina, was aboard the Cherokee during the battle. Campbell returned with the British fleet on June 28, 1776, and later died of wounds received off Sullivan's Island

14. June 28, 1776: First decisive American victory of the Revolutionary War. Although greatly outnumbered, and with vastly inferior armaments, South Carolina troops under Col. William Moultrie kept the British fleet from entering the harbor and held off the army trying to invade by land (Isle of Palms). Small fort of palmetto logs and sand, located on Sullivan's island, withstood the fire of the British fleet.

15. 1780: First American imprisoned by the British in the Tower of London was Henry Laurens, a Charlestonian who had been President of the Continental Congress 1777-78. In 1780, he was sent to get money from Holland for the American cause, but the ship was captured at sea. Laurens was taken to London, condemned for high treason and incarcerated in the Tower. The fact that he was exchanged for Lord General Cornwallis in 1781 shows the high value placed on Laurens by both the British and the Americans.

16. 1780: First prescription drug store (apothecary) in America.

17. 1786: First golf club in America was organized by a group of Scotsmen on Harleston Green, between Calhoun and Beaufain Streets, from Rutledge Ave to the Ashley River.

18. 1800: First Apt. bldge – Vanderhorst at 78 East Bay.

19. First fireproof bldg. in the United States was designed by Charleston architect Robert Mills, also known for designing the Washington Monument and the Treasury Bldg, in Washington, D. C. Was designed as a repository for public documents was completed in 1827 at a cost of $56,000 in the Greek Doric style.

20. 1830 – First regularly scheduled train offering passenger service originated from Charleston at the fantastic speed of 15 m.p.h. Part of the wreckage of that train "Best Friend", was used to cast the first cannon to be built in the Confederate States.

21. 1839 – College of Charleston becomes the first municipally supported college in America.

22. April 12, 1861: First shot of the Civil War is fired from Ft. Johnson to Ft. Sumter.

23. Feb. 17, 1864: World's first successful submarine attack took place at the mouth of the Charleston Harbor. The Confederate Hunley slid out of Breach Inlet to ram and sink the Union warship Housatonic. The Hunley also sank during the attack.

24. 1889: First U.S. successful commercial tea farm

25. Caroline Gilman, published and edited The Rosebud, the first child's newspaper in the country.

Random Thoughts on July 3

2006-07-03T10:55:00.000-04:00

FOUNDING FATHER QUOTE FOR INDEPENDENCE DAY:
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

- Benjamin Franklin

Franklin was the oldest signer of the Declaration of Independence at 70. The youngest signer was Edward Rutledge from Charleston, age 26.

Have a great 4th! Don't shoot fireworks close to my house that night, I'll be trying to sleep after 15 hours of work. Thank you.

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I will be having a book siging for Wicked Charleston, Volume II: Prostitutes, Politics & Prohibition at Waldenbooks @ Charleston Place on Friday, July 7, 2006, 7-9 p.m. If you like drinking/whore stories (and who doesn't?), this book is for you. http://www.wickedcharleston.net

Saturday, July 1, 2006, the stunning Rebel Sinclair had a successful book signing/ paranormal discussion at the Circular Church Graveyard . She was signing her new novel, Spirit of the Shadows, a contemporary ghost story set in a lowcountry mansion. Lots of people and some interesting disccusions on the paranormal. We learned a couple of new ghost encounters in two Charleston buildings.

Earlier in the afternoon, Reb had a run-in with the notorious Capt. Jack Sparrow.

I've got today off . . . . sitting here drinking rum, trying to get fortified enough in order to deal with the downtown Charleston Independence Day chaos. If this past weekend was any indication . . . we should be in for a fun couple of days. Do people people leave their brains at home when they take a trip? Or do they not have any to begin with?
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The federal statute on treason, 18 USC 2381, provides in relevant part: "Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States ... adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000." Thanks to The New York Times, the easiest job in the world right now is: "Head of Counterintelligence — Al-Qaida." You just have to read The New York Times over morning coffee, and you're done by 10 a.m.

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GHOST TOUR GUIDE ETIQUETTE 101

2006-06-29T15:47:00.000-04:00

We're in the summer season. Busy, busy, busy. All the bubbas are in town taking tours with their kids, wife, grandma, and ex-wife and cousin (who may have been their first wife). We have enough to deal with as it is, so we, as tour guides, don't need to be working against each other. I don't care which company you work for . . . being a professional tour guide should mean there are some basic standards and dos-and-don'ts. There's more to being a tour guide than just storytelling.

1. DON'T BLOCK THE SIDEWALK!
Common courtesy. If you must stand on a sidewalk, and you know there will be pedestrians and other tour groups passing, don't block the entire sidewalk, i.e.. in front of Powder Magazine/Trott's Cottage! If you have been giving ghost tours for more than one night, then you know that almost every group walks down Cumberland Street at some point, so why do you insist on standing in front of Powder Magazine/Trott's Cottage, blocking the sidewalk and forcing the rest of us to put our group in a dangerous situation by walking out into the street to get around you?

I, for one, have decided to not put my group in a dangerous situation anymore. If you block the sidewalk, I'm walking through your group and disrupting your tour. Sorry. And by the way . . . what ghost story are you telling in front of the cottage? Oh, that's right, you're not telling a ghost story, you telling pirate stories. Why? Contrary to what the city marker says on the building, that building has no relationship with Judge Trott. He didn't live there, work there, zero , nada, zip, nothing. Edward McCrady wrote in his first volume of History of South Carolina that nothing on this location appeared on any map before 1739, and since Trott died in 1740 . . . you do the math. Talk to the folks at the Powder Magazine. They sent out a fact sheet earlier this year that adamantly stated Trott did not design the Powder Magazine, nor was he ever associated with the structures next door. Poston's The Buildings of Charleston does not even mention Trott's Cottage. If there was evidence proving Trott lived/worked there, don't you think that would have been in the book?

If you want to perpetuate the myth of Trott's Cottage, so be it, but why not stand across the street by the parking garage? The view of the building is better, and you won't be impeding pedestrian traffic.

Also, this makes sense for Philadelphia Alley. That iron gate that leads from the alley to the parking lot . . . why stand there? Three times in the last week, there has been a tour guide with a group standing IN the gateway, and I have had to work my way through the group.

2. BLOCKING THE GATE AT THE CIRCULAR GRAVEYARD
First of all, if you work for a company that does not have access to the graveyard, why would you stand by the gate, blocking the entrance for those who do? I would get tired of having to answer this question: “Can we go in the graveyard too?” Why put yourself in that situation?

I happen to work for that company who does go in the graveyard, but I have given tours in the past (and will in the future) that I don't /can't go in the graveyard so I NEVER GO BY IT! If you have to go by the graveyard to fill up a 90 minute tour, work on some new material. And if you have to stand by the gate because your company requests that you do so, we'll just keep putting you in the position to answer the question: ”Can we go in graveyard too?” And the answer of course, is ”no.”

Oh, and by the way, for those of you who do have a key for the Circular Graveyard - enter through Cumberland Street side and exit through the Meeting Street side.

Definitions of “enter” and “exit”.
en-ter, to come or go into in any manner whatever; to pass into the inside or interior of; to advance into a structure or door or gate.
ex-it, a going out; a departure of any player from the stage; any departure; a way of departure.

3. INSIDE VOICE vs. OUTSIDE VOICE
I understand we have to deal with traffic noise. I drive carriages . . . believe me, I know what it's like talking over obnoxious Harleys, bubbas and their 'homemade' mufflers, diesel trucks, thumpty-thumpty bass lines and blue-haired SOBs blaring Vivaldi. But when you are giving a walking tour, you can find quiet places. So when you do find a quiet place, use your ”inside voice”. I don't need to hear your tour across the graveyard, or across the parking lot of Poogan's Porch, or across Waterfront Park. I surely don't need to hear your tour while you standing OUTSIDE the dungeon, and I'm standing INSIDE the dungeon. Glaring flashlights in people's faces (people NOT on your tour) seems to me to be a bit rude.

Definition of rude:
rude, coarse or rough in form or workmanship; barbarous or ignorant; lacking refinement, culture or elegance.

4. DON'T BE IN SUCH A BAD MOOD
We have a great job. I've worked a corporate job. Have a good time! We get paid to tell ghost stories!

5. A WORD TO THE LOCALS
Look, you're not the first person to drive by a evening tour and holler out of the window, “Oooooooo!” Be more creative. Tour guides like creativity. Or better yet, just shut up. We appreciate that even more! You're making the city look like its full of Yahoos and Bubbas. If you don't appreciate the Tourism Industry, I suggest that you stop coming downtown on Friday and Saturday nights. I've heard Big Deck Daddy's on River's Avenue is a fun place .

And by the way . . I hope you know that not EVERY evening tour is a ghost tour. Ever heard of The Dark Side of Charleston tour?

I have a new policy about locals who are rude (see definition above) enough to walk by, interrupt my tour and make a snide comment like: ”He's making it up. Tour guides don't know anything.” My new policy: I'm going to follow you down the street and give as good (or better) than I get. Like I did the other night on a Dark Side tour.

One of my points I make in my intro of the Dark Side is: South Carolina ranks 49th in education and 1st in alcohol consumption. Tourists can't do anything to help our education system, but they can help keep us #1 in something!

Two locals (men, well dressed, mid-forties) walked through my group on King Street. There was plenty of room to walk around us but they barged right through and one of them stopped and said to my group: “Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about. There are no ghosts around here.”

I said to my group: “Remember when we talked about South Carolina being first in drinking and 49th in education? You're looking at a walking illustration of both.” He just gave a weak laugh, and walked off. I followed him down the street. “I think it's only fair that you tell me where you work, sir,” I said. “So I can come bad mouth you in front your customers and co-workers. And by the way, did you know this is not a ghost tour?” He walked faster and I let him go.

That's my new policy. I'm tired of being harrassed and bad-mouthed by locals who have no idea what we do for a living. You interupt my tour (I AM working by the way, the street is my office) and I'm going to do my best to make sure you're sorry you thought it was fun and clever to bother a working tour guide.

You want to run the tourists away, go ahead. But when your property values drop, and your favorite boutiques that sell overpriced lotion and shoes and various accouterments go out of business, and when your favorite restaurants close down because of lack of business . . . think back to all the times you were rude to a tourist, rude to a tour guide giving a tour, that time you flipped off a carriage driver or hollered at a carriage driver from your piazza “That's not true! Why do you guys make up this stuff?” . . . and then next time you want to be bitchy or release your interior SOB, think twice.

I find it amazing how little the locals (and the city authorities themselves) realize what impact tour guides have on this city. I have contact with an average of 400 tourists a week for at least 1 hour. It is a responsibility I do not take lightly. And none of us should.

The People Tour Guides Meet and the Things they say . . .

2006-06-25T20:56:00.000-04:00

This week in Charleston . . .

Its a small world after all. I met Rod Morgenstein in the Market this week. If you don't know who he is . . . listen up.

I was driving the private carriage and sitting in a tourist traffic backup on the State Street crossover in the Market when this guy walks up to me.

He asks, “Hey, do remember a club that used to be around here called Myskyn's Tavern?”

Do I??? One of the all time great bars in Charleston, where I drank many an adult beverage and listened to great music. I gave him directions. (For the uninitiated, Myskyn's used to be located at 85 Market Street, currently Casa Grande Mexican restaurant). Then I asked him, ”Why are you interested in Myskyn's?”

“I'm a musician. We used used to play there.”
“What was the band?”
“Dixie Dregs,” he said.
I stared at him. “You're Rod Morgenstein, the drummer.”
He was stunned. “You know who the hell I am?”
“Absolutely,” I told him. “One of the greatest live shows I've ever seen in Charleston was when you guys played outside at the College of Charleston Cistern in 1981.”
He smiled. “I've still got the t-shirt from that show.”
I also told him that one of my favorite concerts of all time was a triple bill: Mother's Finest / Dixie Dregs / Atlanta Rhythm Section in Augusta, Ga.

He was quite amazed that I knew who he was. He was a nice, down-to-earth guy. He has been the drummer for Winger, The Steve Morse Band and hundreds of other gigs and recording sessions. He was also amazed to a find Dregs fan, not that many of us around. But if you want some good music . . . check them out. Rod today is an associate professor of music at Berklee Music Academy in Boston. Rod's website is www.rodmorgenstein.com

The people we meet while on carriages.

A good sports story from a few years ago.I was giving a private tour for Coach Eddie Fogler, former basketball coach at South Carolina / Vanderbilt / Asst. Coach at UNC. Fogler, his wife and two children were on the carriage. The Heels had just fired Matt Daughtery as coach the day before. Halfway on the tour Fogler got a call on his cell phone. He looked at the phone and then looked at me. “I'm sorry, I have to take this. It's Coach Smith”
“Absolutely!” I agreed. When Dean Smith calls someone on my carriage, you take the call!

Smith told Fogler that Roy Williams had agreed to leave Kansas and take the UNC basketball job. Fogler hung up and looked at me and grinned. “I bet you've never had a scoop like this on your carriage, have you? You know who's gonna be the new Tar Heel coach before the guys on ESPN.”

But the topper for this week: yet another wedding story.
I picked up the bride and groom. Also on the carriage were two teenagers, a boy and girl ages 15/16 I guess. Issue from a previous marriage or whatever. They settled down in the carriage, and I drive off. The groom loosens his tie and says to his new wife: “Thank God that's over. Don't forget. You owe me a blowjob tonight.”

I love my job!! And I hope the groom loved his also.

Wow! City Paper recognizes the Bitch Blog

2006-06-24T20:35:00.000-04:00

Some people think I should post more often. Wish I could, but I work 15 hours a day, 5 days a week giving tours. I am what you call a WORKING TOUR GUIDE, unlike some who work when the notion moves them., like it's a hobby or something. Being a professional tour guide is a career, something you work at. I challenge you guys out there to take a tour with a part-time hobby-style tour guide, and then take a tour by a working professional. Yeah, we're both licensed by the City of Charleston, but Burt Reynolds and Clint Eastwood were the most popular movie stars of the 1970s . . . . anybody lining up for a Burt Reynolds movie these days?

A small rant. It's hot. I'm giving 6 carriage tours a day, followed up by 2 walking tours in the evening. I love standing on the sidewalk (working) telling a story and some local braindead motorist drives by and hollers out the window, "Charleston don't have no
f*%#ing ghosts!"

First of all . . . what makes you think it's a ghost tour? Not every nighttime tour is a ghost tour. We do The Dark Side of Charleston- stories of drinking, murder and prostitution (which your mother may know something about, by the way).

Second, why not show some gonads and actually heckle when you have eye contact with me? Or better yet, let me come to YOUR place of employment and heckle you? I can promise, my complaints will be more clever than yours.

I also heard through the grapevine that some members of a carriage company were upset about my description of some of my fellow carriage drivers. I wonder what they recognized in the descriptions that made them think I was describing them?

Illegal Reasoning

2006-05-15T18:07:00.000-04:00

Let's say I break into your house. And when you discover me in your home you insist that I leave. But, I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors: I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest ... except for that part where I broke into your house."

According to the protestors, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan and provide other benefits for me and my family. If you try to call the police or force me out I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be here. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest .... ummmmm .... except for that breaking in thing.

Besides. What a deal it is for me! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being anti-housebreaker!

Does this sound reasonable to you? If so . . . I hope you don't have a driver's license because you're dangerous to everyone else on street. If this sounds reasonable to you, and you're a Charleston tour guide, then I bet you tell that John C. Calhoun crossing Church Street story, don't you?

Weddings at the Chucktown Chapel

2006-05-02T20:34:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday I had the distinct pleasure of driving a private carriage not once, but TWICE to the Chucktown Chapel.

The first wedding was a big one . . . so big that I wondered if the bride and groom could fit on the carriage. They did. Drop-off was at Tristan's. BTW . . the reason they were eating at Tristan's was this: they had decided they wanted to name their first kid (male or female) Tristan . . . so they had their reception there. Thank god they didn't want to name their kid Waffle House.

My favorite Chucktown Chapel story:

Last year I picked up a Harley-Davidson wedding. The bride was wearing a fashionable leather skirt w/ boots and a lace-up leather vest . . . and that was it. Nothing underneath. The groom was nattily attired in his cleanest Levis, freshly-pressed Harley black T-shirt, complete with H/D belt buckle and boots. The best man and maid of honor (both similarly attired) joined them in the carriage for the ride to the Mills House.

About 10 minutes into the ride the bride said: "I can't wait to get back to the hotel so we can get naked!"

Call me old fashioned, but I believe that on your wedding night you should have sex with your new spouse. If you wanna have a 4some the next night (or the night before, or everyother night of the year) OK, but not on your wedding night. Is nothing sacred anymore???

Wicked Responds to the MainMule

2006-04-29T00:52:00.000-04:00

As you can see, Mule, there IS a link to rastamule on my site . . . it's at the bottom.

As far as the "sleepng with my boyfriend/girlfriend/both" comment . . . it was an attempt to define my measly little site. I want tour guides to be able to bitch about other tour guides . . . I want tour guides to share stories, info and etc . . . I'm tired of listening to BAD INFORMATION given out by tour guide - carriage drivers in particular. It don't like being put in the same category as hungover, sloppily-dressed, high-on-whatever-substance tour guides. Let's raise the bar a bit and have some professional standards. Being a tour guide has changed in the last 5 years. Business is booming, and we are under more scrutiny. Let's step up!

2 communiques from the Hula Doyle

2006-04-26T23:17:00.000-04:00

Greetings, Hula Doyle!! thanks for promoting Wicked Charleston in rainy Hawaii. Hope you are well and tanned.